Notes From the Appalachian Trail Part 3: Wearing the world's smartest watch for pooping in the woods

My brother marveled that I was "afraid of the woods". By that he meant that if you left me alone in the dark on top of a mountain there was a reasonable chance that I would scream like a little girl. But, in truth, it was much more specific than that. I was afraid of two things really: 1) A bear getting me and 2) pooping in the woods...I suppose 3) would be a bear getting me WHILE I was pooping in the woods.

The bear thing I got over quick, because while hiking I became certain there are no animals left on the AT. I think I saw a couple of bugs, and maybe one little bird. This is less than I see on any given day in my back yard in suburbia.
Pooping in the woods, well that wasn't any better than I thought it was going to be. In fact, if you asked most men I know that even wanted to do this with their female significant other, the big obstacle would be the lack of nice flushable toilets here and there, with faucets, paper towels and mirrors. There is none of that and when you do find you have something better than a tree, it is a "Privy", which is something that makes a Portalet look positively fancy.
Try to imagine a large pile of poop on the ground, with the occasional leaf, and over that, an outhouse with no door and part of a backside. You sit inside and wave your legs to let anybody walking by know that the place is currently occupied. You bring your own toilet paper and a large sign says that you are to carry it out with you....leave nothing but footsteps. One of these facilities had two large buckets of leaves on the seat and I'm not sure if that was in case you ran out of toilet paper or what. Actually, the way your digestive system works while hiking.....next time I'm bringing twice as much toilet paper.

On the third day of this trip, I was contemplating the juxtiposition of the latest titanium things in our backpacks, the sleeping bag that weighed several ounces and could keep you warm at 0 degrees, my new watch that could give you your exact location, temperature, altitude, barometric pressure....and I was carrying around a large load of used toilet paper....this discovery seemed to elicit a new round of Trail Crazy in my companions and when they finally stopped laughing for a few minutes, I found that I might be the only person in the world that ever obeyed that sign.....